Not Bad For A First Job

I’ve spent a long while wondering what it would be like doing something that you really love and getting paid at the same time. The first job I found myself into was something I never expected. This is probably because I came from a place where people made sense when they talked and were consistent with what they said. Having gotten used to that highly intellectual environment, it’s no surprise that I’d find a desk job so wanting. Pushing papers and haggling with uncooperative signatories was never how I envisioned my first job would be. To top it off, I found myself taking orders from a person I could never ever forget.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve talked about this person, but the hatred, disappointment, and anger I feel towards him never really found its way out of me. One of the things you don’t expect in your first job is that you’ll be reporting to a Senior Vice-President of the company! And it would have been a bigger help if he knew how to gauge and set expectations. But, it would have been nirvana if he didn’t think the world revolved around him. How could you work with someone whose so paranoid of losing his image in front of others that you end up becoming an extension of who he is. Weekends are off; lunch breaks are done in his office; on-time dismissal was never ON-TIME; private life was his property; your problems < his. It would have been easier if I had a supervisor for a boss than the boss of all bosses.

In spite all these, I managed to stay for more than a year because of a colleague who meant the world to me. To add to the in spite’s, I found myself actually very thankful that I met a boss such as him—at least from now on, I know who NOT to become. However, not without sacrifices, I grabbed an opportunity of doing what I knew I really loved doing, teaching.

Countless times I would hear people question (sometimes mock) me why of all subjects would I be teaching Christian Living Education? It should be laid out as early as now that I have no intentions of joining the clergy. I promised a person I’d marry her, and I never break those kinds of promises. So, why that subject? It’s because I don’t know much about the being we call “God.” But this being seems to make a lot of sense to a good number of people. And I’d like to explore more how I could make sense of him so that I could relay that new found knowledge to others and invite them to take the leap as well. And so far, I think I’m doing well.

Once I’m in front of my class, I’m a teacher who’s out to make sure students succeed. And the best way for me help these gents succeed is to question their very questioning so that, with prayers and hope, they would arrive at not answers, but questions. Questions that would carry them through the storms and sunshine; to the moon and back. Questions that will open doors to experiences I myself have never gone through. Questions, that will ultimately lead them to a certain level of surrender. A surrender that does not admit defeat, but a willingness to be held by something greater than itself.

Who would have thought my wondering what it would be like to do what you love spilled over in the manner I teacher: I don’t feed, I delay gratification. I leave behind clues for them to follow hoping that someday, when they do find themselves in situations they’d rather live without, they’ll begin to ask real questions. 

Not bad for a year and a half of working. I wonder what the rest of my life has in store.

I wonder.


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