Geoffrey Miles L. Mercado
Written on October 17, 2011
Under a starless sky, I was listening to a wonderful person who constantly amazed me. I met her a few months ago, thinking that she would be another person who I could call a friend. However, she was profoundly different from all the girls I’ve met. She had this something within her that made her to shine; which allowed me to shine as well.
She is by far one of the few authentic people I know. She isn’t interested with superficiality. Instead, she seeks for what fulfills and nourishes her existence. She’s not concerned about petty issues; she’s concerned about real-life and the personal. She’s real and she engages the world head-on instead of merely hiding from it behind a wall.
What attracted me to her was her sincerity towards the world and towards herself, and the wealth of experience she has gathered through the years. These traits are reflected in the quality of our conversations, which always touch upon topics close to our very beings. A major contributor to this is our successful way of communicating — we both are sincere in our words and actions towards each other. We don’t beat around the bush, we beat the bush! Also, because of the many similarities that we have in values and dreams, we spend more time relating with each other than with striking compromises. It was a breeze communicating with her because, to begin with, we already knew what the other was thinking or feeling.
As I sat next to her under that deep and dark sky, I thought of how lucky I was to have a connection with her. I was never a fan of fairy tales because I knew that they were not real. However, seated next to her, I wanted to believe in those fairy tales. Her lips moved gracefully as we engaged in our fruitful conversations about life and living. Knowing that I only had a limited amount of time in my hands, I had to find the courage to reveal to her what I was going through since the time I confessed to her that I found her incredibly interesting, and that I liked her. After proclaiming that it was about time that we went home, I realized that that was my chance!
Hesitantly, I asked, “Can I be honest with you?”
I continued, “For the longest time, I’ve been tempted to kiss you on the lips.”
Right after I uttered the last word, I felt exposed, vulnerable to her reply. The reply that I was waiting for would come much later, for my act of honesty prompted her to share her experiences about other guys.
This wonderful girl in front of me would never have become the person she is now had she not gone through many hardships and difficulties. Her love-life was no exception. Too many times, she attracted men who treated her with little or no respect, tearing her heart to shreds. Because of this pattern, she wondered if she would eventually end up with a lousy guy. However, ever since I came into the picture, even she wanted to believe that she wasn’t destined for misery. Also, despite the number of guys who were possible partners for her, she has never openly confessed to a guy that she loved him. This was because those words were not superficial for her, they were extremely meaningful.
However, all of these appeared to be a filler to what she was about to reveal to me.
Her usually articulate voice began to tremble, and her eyes began to glisten. With her fists clenched and her eyes frantically looking around for cues about what words were best to use, my eyes were locked onto hers as I patiently and readily anticipated what she was about to say. She first explained that she could not find anything wrong with me: I treated her respectfully; I was mature enough to not let my issues get in the way; I was articulate; and I was sincere. She knew that she was happy with me — happier than she has ever been with any guy. And yet, in spite of all these, she still is unable to let go of a previous guy whom she has grown an attachment with. That made her feel very guilty because she couldn’t fathom why she couldn’t let go of that person and be truly happy with me. As she verbalized these thoughts, her tears started to stream down her cheeks. Disgusted at this revelation, she told me that it was okay for her if I got angry at her for feeling that way.
I held her hands and told her that I never expected her to be perfect. In fact, I didn’t want her to be perfect — I wanted her to be real. With those words, she began to sob and I could do no more than embrace her, catching her tears on my shoulder.
After gaining some composure, she told me how lucky she felt to have someone like me. I replied to her that, in fact, I was the one who was lucky to have someone like her. Believe it or not, this person reflects everything that’s best in me and more. Every minute I spend with this person, I am able to see the best and worst in me, along with the kind of person I want to become. She reminds me of the kind of person I’m supposed to be — a good person. Every day is my chance to become a better person, and that was especially because of her. These words made her eyes glisten, but not enough to make her cry. Much of the conversation from then on was filled with laughter. However, time was running, and it was running fast.
She looked at her watch and decided that it was getting late and that we should be going home already. This was it. This was my chance.
With my heart racing and my mind rushing, I told her, “Last…”
There was a rather long pause.
“Will I ever get the chance to kiss you?”
She simply kept quiet and placed her arms on my shoulders. For a long while we simply stared at each other. Naïve as I was at that moment, I never realized that that was my answer. Upon realizing that, I chuckled and she chuckled along with me. We embraced with disbelief at how naïve I was at that time. After the embrace, we went back to our positions. Just to check if I interpreted the sign accurately, I leaned towards her and she also leaned towards me. I stopped half-way out of shock that, yes, I interpreted it well. We chuckled some more. This time, after we had gained composure, I leaned towards her with my lips hovering over hers. There was no resistance. After a few more moments, we made contact.
We embraced each other tightly, not wanting to let go. The cards are laid on the table. There was no point in hiding it. I whispered softly in her ear, “I guess there’s no point in hiding this anymore.” I leaned back and looked at her straight in her eyes, “Mahal kita.” That was the biggest secret that I ever had to hide. Her eyes shone with relief, she verbally expressed how, for the longest time, she had waited for me to say those words. And she had been playing in her head exactly how I was going to say it. To my surprise, what she had fantasized in her head was exactly what happened. All the while, I was waiting for a reply.
She looked deep into my eyes and said, “Alam kong hindi ko pa ito nasasabi sa ibang tao, pero mahal na mahal na mahal kita.” From then on, no walls would ever stop us from truly dwelling in each other’s lives.
I will never look at the night sky the same way again for it now housed a significant moment in my life. It will no longer be simply empty, rather it will have depth. The starless sky that witnessed our profession of love will no longer be the same. It was no longer empty; it was spacious.