It was rather embarrassing to be taking a test you didn’t and weren’t able to prepare well enough for. Today, aside from submitting the grades of my kids and finishing the lesson plan for the unit, I also had to take midterm exams for my MA. Everything was just conveniently terrible in terms of scheduling. No matter how hard I tried, how many hours of sleep I missed, I just couldn’t beat the time long enough to be able to do all that was required.
As I answered the test in broad and overarching statements, intentionally omitting details because I could not recall them, I suddenly remembered how I’d always react to students who answered the way I did: frustrated and disappointed. Now, I’m getting a dose of my own medicine. It’s a bitter pill. I just hope I’d get a decent mark to not jeopardize my MA.
Maybe I should be less demanding of my students from now on because, apparently, I couldn’t even satisfy the expectations of my teachers and myself. Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong, asking much from my students who could hardly keep up with their own lives. Or maybe this was just a really really bad day for me.
How I wish I could put the blame on my situation where I had sacrificed a vacation to finish checking and recording test materials so that I can beat the deadline. I wish I could have had more strength and focus to remember the details needed to exhibit proficiency in the test. I did try to review on the way to school but every knowledge that I could recall evaporated immediately after reading it. It was inevitable that I would stare more on the paper because I could not believe I did not know the answer to such simple recall questions.
Lesson learned: I really have to stretch some more if I want to get things done. I’m just wondering if I’m not stretched enough already, that maybe sometimes, letting things fall out of your hands could be one of the most satisfying feelings of all. Maybe I’ve been holding on for too long, for too much. Maybe this is a time for me to simply let things slide and trust they work out in the end.
After all, I am teaching my kids faith. Maybe I should have some too.
Anyway, back to work! These lesson plans will not finish themselves!